The Price of Being a Woman: A System Rigged from the StartThe Price of Being a Woman

The Price of Being a Woman: A System Rigged from the StartThe Price of Being a Woman

The Price of Being a Woman: A System Rigged from the StartThe Price of Being a Woman

From Legal Setbacks to Cultural Backlash: The Global Regression of Women’s Rights and How We Can Move Forward

The Ongoing Struggle for Women’s Rights

Throughout history, the struggle for women’s rights has seen victories and setbacks. From the suffrage movement of the early 20th century to the MeToo movement of today, women have fought tirelessly for equality and autonomy. However, in recent years, we’re witnessing a troubling trend: a rollback of hard-won rights and an increase in cultural pressures that keep women from progressing. This isn’t just happening in one country or area; it’s a global regression, affecting various aspects of women’s lives, from legal rights and social expectations to body image and mental health.

This article explores the ways in which women’s rights are facing new challenges across the world, the cultural forces amplifying these issues, and why we need to stay vigilant and united to protect the progress we’ve made.

 

The Price of Being a Woman: A System Rigged from the StartThe Price of Being a Woman

Author: Ami Elsius

The Price of Being a Woman: A System Rigged from the Start

As I write this, I feel my blood boiling, sadness welling up in my chest, and tears falling. I knew the system was unfair. I knew women were disadvantaged in countless ways. But even as someone who advocates for equality, I didn’t realize it was this bad. The numbers alone are appalling. In Iceland—the most gender-equal country in the world according to the 2023 Global Gender Gap Report—women still face a financial burden of $2,500 more per month than men. And in the United States, often hailed as progressive, that figure jumps to a staggering $4,067 per month or $2.3 million over a lifetime.

Let me say that again: the financial price of being born a woman in a modern, developed country is millions of dollars over a lifetime. Millions.

If this is the state of affairs in so-called progressive societies, imagine the plight of women in nations where gender equality isn’t even a part of the conversation. This isn’t just about a financial imbalance. It’s about a system that, from the moment we are born, is rigged against us in ways both obvious and insidious.

 

Groomed from the Start

From our earliest days, society begins preparing us for compliance, subservience, and accommodation roles. It starts subtly—look at the clothes marketed to children. Little boys wear t-shirts with lions, dinosaurs, and t-rexes, symbols of power and dominance. Girls are given bunnies, kittens, and soft pastel tones—symbols of gentleness, fragility, and compliance. We are groomed to nurture, accommodate, and serve, while boys are primed to conquer, dominate, and rule.

Hollywood, advertising, media, music, and even children’s books reinforce these roles. From romanticized images of women sacrificing for love to advertising that centers on women serving their families with the perfect smile, we are taught early to put others first and diminish our own needs.

Even as adults, these subtle messages continue. The workplace remains patriarchal, with men occupying most positions of power. Women who challenge this are labeled “difficult” or “bossy,” while men who assert themselves are called “leaders.” Academia, politics, and corporate boardrooms—all the spaces that shape society—remain bastions of male dominance.

And yet, this oppression is so systematic, so embedded in every corner of life, that many don’t even see it.

The Financial Cost of Oppression

While this article focuses on the financial disparity, the price women pay is more than money. It’s the mental load of caregiving. It’s the unpaid household labor that goes unnoticed. It’s the beauty standards we are forced to meet, spending thousands to conform to societal ideals created to please men.

Even our safety comes at a price. Women spend significantly more on taxis, rideshares, and home security systems simply to avoid harassment or assault. And let’s not forget the hidden costs of abuse recovery—therapy, lost wages, and lifelong trauma—stemming from a world where 1 in 6 women is a victim of sexual assault and 1 in 33 men.

The patriarchy doesn’t just want us compliant—it wants us drained. Drained of money, drained of energy, drained of power. And it works.

What Are They So Afraid Of?

What is it that men—specifically those who cling to patriarchal structures—are so afraid of? Perhaps it’s because when women rise, entire communities thrive. When women gain wealth, they invest in their families and uplift their communities. The data is clear: educating and empowering women creates a ripple effect of prosperity, safety, and well-being that benefits everyone.

Contrast this with men, who are statistically more likely to spend on themselves. When women succeed, the world becomes kinder, more equitable, and more sustainable. There would be less war, less greed, and fewer power plays.

So why the resistance?

Because empowering women means relinquishing control. It means admitting that the patriarchy was never about fairness or justice—it was about dominance, fear, and insecurity.

Should Men and Women Split the Bills?

Given all of this, is splitting the bills truly a feminist act? Or is it a convenient distraction from the real issues? Asking women to share equally in costs while ignoring the millions of dollars they lose over a lifetime due to systemic inequalities is not equality—it’s ignorance of the broader picture.

Modern men who genuinely advocate for gender equality must understand this disparity and ask themselves: What am I doing to challenge the system? It’s not about splitting restaurant checks or dividing household expenses. It’s about acknowledging that, as things stand, the system isn’t 50/50—it’s 80/20 at best.

True equality requires action: sharing caregiving responsibilities, addressing workplace disparities, dismantling societal beauty standards, and creating policies that promote equity.

This isn’t just a fight for women—it’s a fight for a better world. And it’s time men joined the battle, not as equals in the trenches, but as allies willing to lift the burden off those who have carried it far too long.

1. Earnings Disparity

On average, women in the United States earn about 83 cents for every dollar a man earns in the same job. Over a lifetime of work (from age 18 to 65), women earn approximately $400,000 to $1,000,000 less than men in cumulative salary, depending on the profession and educational background.


2. Time Lost to Care Responsibilities

Women often shoulder a disproportionate share of caregiving responsibilities, both for children and elderly parents. Over a lifetime, this includes:

  • Menstrual Pain and Childbirth Recovery: Women lose an estimated 9-12 days annually due to severe menstrual pain and childbirth-related recovery. Over a lifetime, this adds up to 1.5 to 2 years of lost work.

  • Childcare and Elderly Care: Women spend an average of 10 years of their adult lives caring for children and ageing family members, significantly more than men.

Lost Work Time Due to Menstrual Pain and Childbirth Recovery

  • 9-12 days per year = approximately 1.5 to 2 years of lost work over a lifetime (from age 18 to 65).

  • Assuming an average annual income of $60,000 (based on U.S. median earnings for full-time workers), this translates to:

    • $90,000 to $120,000 in lifetime wage loss.


Lost Work Time Due to Childcare and Elderly Care

  • Women spend an average of 10 years (or roughly 25% of their adult working lives) caring for children and elderly family members.

  • If a woman earns $60,000 annually and spends 10 years out of the workforce:

    • This results in $600,000 in lost wages over a lifetime.

  • Even if a woman remains in the workforce but works reduced hours or takes a less demanding (and lower-paying) job to accommodate caregiving responsibilities, the wage loss can still be significant:

    • A reduction in work hours or lower-paying roles could result in a 20-30% decrease in earnings, which could add up to $200,000 to $300,000 in reduced lifetime income.


Total Lifetime Wage Loss

When combining lost wages from menstrual pain, childbirth recovery, childcare, and eldercare:

  • $90,000 to $120,000 (menstrual pain and childbirth) +

  • $600,000 (caregiving responsibilities) =

    • $690,000 to $720,000 in total estimated lifetime wage loss.

  • For women who remain in the workforce but make adjustments due to caregiving, the total loss is still significant, ranging from $290,000 to $420,000 due to reduced opportunities and hours.


The Gendered Cost of Health: Medical Expenses and Systemic Bias

Women in the United States face significant financial burdens due to healthcare expenses, many of which are unique to their gender. Below is an overview of average costs for various medical services and products:

Contraceptive Pills: The cost of contraceptive pills varies widely, ranging from $0 to $50 per month, depending on the brand and whether insurance covers it. Without insurance, annual expenses can total up to $600.

Intrauterine Devices (IUDs): An IUD can cost between $500 and $1,300, including insertion. While the upfront cost is high, IUDs are effective for 3 to 10 years, potentially reducing long-term expenses.

Mammograms: The average cost of a mammogram is about $100 to $250. Annual screenings are recommended for women over 40, leading to lifetime costs of approximately $3,000 to $7,500.

Pap Smears: A Pap smear typically costs between $39 and $125. With screenings recommended every three years, the lifetime cost ranges from $500 to $1,500.

Prenatal Vitamins: These essential supplements cost about $15 to $30 per month. Over a typical 9-month pregnancy, the total expense is approximately $135 to $270.

Painkillers for Menstrual Cramps: Over-the-counter pain relievers cost around $5 to $10 per month. Over a reproductive lifetime (approximately 35 years), this totals $2,100 to $4,200.

Childbirth Costs: The average cost of childbirth in the U.S. is about $14,768 for a vaginal delivery and $26,280 for a cesarean section. Out-of-pocket expenses average $2,655 and $3,214, respectively, after insurance.

Abortion Costs: The cost of an abortion varies based on gestation period and method. For instance, medical abortions under 10 weeks can cost between $400 and $600.

Additional Considerations:

  • Gender Bias in Medical Research: Historically, medical research has predominantly involved male subjects, leading to a lack of understanding of female-specific health issues. This bias contributes to misdiagnoses and delayed treatments for women.Medical News Today

     

  • Misdiagnosis and Delayed Treatment: Women are more likely to be misdiagnosed, especially for conditions like heart disease, where symptoms differ from men’s. This leads to prolonged suffering and increased medical expenses.Medical News Today

     

  • Healthcare Costs: Women in the U.S. face higher out-of-pocket healthcare costs than men, with an estimated $15 billion greater annual expenditure. This disparity persists even when excluding maternity-related services.World Economic Forum

3. The Pink Tax: A Lifetime Cost for Women

The Pink Tax refers to the practice of pricing products marketed to women higher than similar products marketed to men. Women pay an average of 7% more for everyday personal care items, such as menstrual products, haircuts, razors, and skincare.

  • On average, women spend an extra $1,500 annually on these essential items compared to men.

  • Over a lifetime (from age 18 to 81, assuming 63 years of adulthood), this amounts to approximately $94,500 in additional essential expenses.

Key Examples of the Pink Tax:

1. Menstrual Products: Considered essential, yet taxed as luxury goods in many countries, costing women hundreds annually.

2. Haircuts: Haircuts for women are often priced 30-50% higher than men’s, even for similar services.

3. Razors and Skincare Products: Nearly identical items are often marketed differently, with women’s versions carrying a higher price tag.

The Hidden Costs

These additional expenses, compounded over decades, create a significant financial disparity that disproportionately impacts women. Combined with lower lifetime earnings due to the gender wage gap and caregiving responsibilities, the Pink Tax exacerbates the economic disadvantages women face throughout their lives.

This highlights the need for policy changes, such as removing taxes on menstrual products, regulating gender-based pricing, and promoting financial equality.


4. Unpaid Household Labor

Women perform the majority of unpaid household chores, including cooking, cleaning, laundry, and organizing. If translated into paid work, this additional labor is valued at $25,000 annually. Over a lifetime, this unpaid contribution totals over $1 million.


5. Childcare Costs

Women typically spend more time and money on childcare than men. Women dedicate 60-70% more time to child-rearing activities. Throughout raising two children, this disparity can cost a woman an additional $300,000 in lost wages, reduced career advancement, and out-of-pocket expenses for childcare services.


Bell Hooks Quote

 “Feminism is for everybody.” 

“The function of art is to do more than tell it like it is – it’s to imagine what is possible.” 

 

6. The Hidden Costs of Abuse and Mental Health Recovery

Women in the United States disproportionately experience abuse—physical, emotional, sexual, and psychological—compared to men, leading to significant long-term financial and emotional consequences. The aftereffects of this abuse often extend beyond immediate trauma, deeply impacting mental health, career opportunities, and overall quality of life. Here’s a breakdown of how this disparity manifests.


Abuse Prevalence and Gender Comparison

Sexual Assault

  • Women: 1 in 6 women in the U.S. experiences attempted or completed rape in her lifetime.

  • Men: 1 in 33 men reports similar experiences (RAINN).

Domestic Violence

  • Women: 1 in 4 women experiences severe physical violence from an intimate partner.

  • Men: 1 in 9 men reports similar violence (NCADV).

These statistics underscore the vastly unequal burden women face, which is amplified by the financial and psychological costs of recovery.


The Financial Impact of Recovery

Women face substantial out-of-pocket expenses for recovery, including:

  • Mental Health Treatment

    • Antidepressants and Medication: $500–$1,200 annually, depending on the type and duration of treatment.

    • Psychological Therapy: At $100–$250 per session, a survivor may spend $30,000–$100,000 or more over a lifetime to heal.

    • Specialized Support: Programs, workshops, and support groups for trauma recovery can add thousands to the financial toll.

  • Missed Workdays
    Survivors of severe abuse lose an estimated 30–50 workdays annually due to mental health struggles like PTSD, anxiety, or depression. These absences lead to lost wages, compounding their financial burden.

  • Career Interruptions
    Many women experience job loss or career stagnation as a result of the immediate effects of abuse or the long-term psychological impact. Over a lifetime, this can translate to earnings losses of $200,000–$400,000.


Abuse Costs: A Gendered Disparity

When considering the financial toll of abuse, the disparity between women and men is stark. Abuse recovery costs for women include significant expenditures on therapy, medication, and lost income due to caregiving and trauma recovery. Men, while not immune to abuse, face fewer disruptions in work and mental health treatment costs, reflecting the gendered nature of these challenges.

The average cost of abuse and its aftermath for a woman in the United States is approximately $57,500 over her lifetime. For a man, the cost is significantly lower, averaging around $10,455.



7. Divorce and Financial Manipulation

Divorce disproportionately impacts women, particularly when leaving abusive or manipulative partners. Studies show that men often hide assets or use financial manipulation during divorce proceedings. Women typically receive 30-50% less in financial settlements, translating to a $100,000 to $500,000 loss over their post-divorce lives.


8. The Cost of Toxic Beauty Standards: A Gendered Burden

Societal pressure for women to meet patriarchal beauty standards imposes significant financial burdens. On average, women spend $250,000 to $300,000 over their lifetimes on beauty-related expenses, including makeup, skincare, anti-aging products, and salon services.

In comparison, men spend significantly less, averaging around $50,000 to $75,000 over their lifetimes on grooming and personal care. This disparity reflects the disproportionate expectations placed on women to conform to unattainable beauty ideals—a pressure rooted in the patriarchal norms that define women’s value by their appearance.


Beauty Standards and Patriarchal Expectations

Much of women’s spending is influenced by societal norms that prioritize male validation. From flawless skin to youthful appearances, beauty standards are often designed to cater to male preferences, perpetuated by media, advertising, and cultural norms.

For instance:

  • Makeup is marketed as essential to appear “professional” or “attractive,” a pressure rarely applied to men.

  • Anti-aging products exploit fears of aging, which disproportionately target women while men are praised for “aging gracefully.”

  • Salon services, like hair styling and waxing, are promoted as necessities, with women often paying more for the same services compared to men.

These standards not only drain women financially but also create emotional pressure to “earn” societal approval through their appearance.


Spending to Please, Not for Personal Fulfillment

While some women invest in beauty for self-expression or confidence, much of this spending stems from the need to meet male-centric expectations. Studies show that many women feel obligated to conform to these standards to be taken seriously at work, to attract partners, or to avoid judgment in social settings.

The financial and emotional toll of these beauty expectations represents yet another layer of economic inequality that women face. Addressing this disparity requires not only recognizing the societal roots of toxic beauty standards but also dismantling the systems that perpetuate them.

____________________

9. The Financial Cost of Safety: A Gendered Burden

Women in the United States face a disproportionate financial burden to ensure their safety compared to men. This discrepancy arises from the significantly higher likelihood of women experiencing sexual harassment or assault. The additional costs of staying safe, often unavoidable, further widen the financial gap between genders.

Taxis and Rideshares

For women, walking or taking public transportation late at night often feels unsafe due to the heightened risk of harassment or assault. As a result, women frequently opt for taxis or rideshares as a safer alternative. Over a lifetime, this adds up to approximately $100,000 for women, compared to only $10,000 to $20,000 for men, who are less likely to perceive or face safety threats in public spaces.

Home Security

Women also invest more in home security measures such as alarm systems, additional locks, or surveillance equipment to feel secure in their own homes. These expenses average $5,000 to $10,000 over a lifetime for women, compared to $2,000 to $4,000 for men, who are statistically less likely to feel the need for such precautions.

Legal and Advocacy Costs

In cases of harassment or assault, women are more likely to require legal assistance, such as filing restraining orders, pursuing justice in court, or seeking advocacy services. These costs range from $3,000 to $20,000 over a lifetime for women, compared to $1,000 to $5,000 for men.

The Total Cost of Safety

Adding up these categories, women spend an estimated $108,000 to $130,000 over their lifetimes on safety-related expenses. In contrast, men spend far less, averaging $13,000 to $29,000. This represents an additional $95,000 to $117,000 that women are forced to pay simply to feel and stay safe.

Wangari Maathai Quote

“It’s the little things citizens do. That’s what will make the difference. My little thing is planting trees.” 

“I don’t really know why I care so much. I just have something inside me that tells me that there is a problem and I have to do something about it.”

 

Photo of Ami Elsius; for The Soulful Blog: Awakening, Healing, & Holistic Wellness
Diverse and authentic tribe of community members in a collage for The Ami Effect, showcasing holistic healing and transformation.

Become a member of our gated community and have 24/7 access to a supportive tribe, a large mental health resource library, live weekly Q&A calls with me, and much more. We were never meant to do it all alone; we thrive best in a tribe, with support, guidance and authentic connections. 

The Lifetime Gender Disparity: A Male and Female Comparison

Women face a starkly different financial reality than men, shaped by a combination of societal expectations, systemic inequalities, and gender-specific burdens. When considering factors like earnings, unpaid labor, abuse recovery, safety measures, and societal pressures, the lifetime cost disparity becomes alarmingly clear.

1. Lifetime Earnings Gap
    • Women: Women earn 83 cents for every dollar a man earns for the same job. Over a working lifetime (ages 18–65), this amounts to $400,000 to $1,000,000 less in cumulative earnings.

    • Men: Men typically earn higher salaries and experience fewer career interruptions, resulting in more stable lifetime earnings.

2. Lost Work Time Due to Care Responsibilities
    • Women: Women lose an estimated 1.5–2 years of work due to menstrual pain and childbirth recovery, costing $90,000 to $120,000 in missed wages. Additionally, women spend an average of 10 years on childcare and eldercare, leading to a $600,000 wage loss.

    • Men: Men lose minimal workdays for similar caregiving responsibilities, with average earnings loss ranging from $50,000 to $100,000.

3. The Pink Tax
    • Women: Women pay an additional $1,500 annually for personal care items like menstrual products, razors, and haircuts. Over a lifetime, this totals $94,500.

    • Men: Men spend significantly less, with similar expenses averaging $50,000 over a lifetime.

4. Unpaid Household Labor
    • Women: Women perform the majority of household chores, equating to $25,000 annually in unpaid labor. Over a lifetime, this totals over $1 million.

    • Men: Men typically contribute far less to unpaid household labor, with an estimated value of $300,000 to $500,000 over a lifetime.

5. Childcare Costs
    • Women: Women dedicate 60–70% more time to child-rearing, resulting in an additional $300,000 in lost wages and out-of-pocket childcare expenses.

    • Men: Men’s financial and time contributions to childcare are significantly lower, often resulting in minimal wage losses.

6. Abuse and Mental Health Recovery Costs
    • Women: Women spend approximately $57,500 over their lifetime on abuse recovery, including therapy, medication, and missed work. Abuse disrupts women’s lives more frequently due to their higher likelihood of being victims of domestic violence and sexual assault.

    • Men: Abuse recovery costs for men average $10,455, reflecting their lower victimization rates and recovery needs.

7. Beauty Standards
    • Women: Women spend $250,000 to $300,000 on beauty-related expenses over a lifetime due to societal pressures to conform to beauty standards.

    • Men: Men spend $50,000 to $75,000 on grooming, reflecting lower societal demands.

8. Safety Measures
    • Women: Women spend an estimated $108,000 to $130,000 over a lifetime on safety-related expenses, including taxis, rideshares, home security, and legal costs for protection.

    • Men: Men spend far less, with safety-related expenses averaging $13,000 to $29,000.

The Grand Total

When combining these factors, the lifetime financial disparity between women and men becomes staggering:

  • Women: On average, women face an additional $2.2 million to $2.5 million in costs over their lifetime.

  • Men: Men face significantly fewer costs, with lifetime additional expenses totaling $500,000 to $1 million

 

Should Equality Begin With Splitting Bills?

In the push for gender equality, some modern men advocate for splitting costs—such as restaurant bills and household expenses—as a symbol of fairness. While this is a step toward financial equality, it overlooks the broader systemic disparities women face. A truly equitable approach considers the following:

  • Unequal Financial Starting Points: Women earn less, pay more for essential items, and take on a greater share of unpaid labor and caregiving.

  • Hidden Costs: Safety measures, abuse recovery, and societal expectations disproportionately impact women, adding financial and emotional strain.

  • Shared Responsibility: True equality means acknowledging and addressing these disparities, not simply splitting immediate costs.

A Call for True Equality

Instead of starting with the 50/50 split in restaurants or household expenses, modern men who value equality should consider advocating for broader systemic changes. This includes:

  • Supporting equitable wages and workplace policies.

  • Sharing caregiving and household responsibilities.

  • Challenging societal norms that impose unfair financial and emotional burdens on women.

By addressing the root causes of inequality, we can create a world where splitting a bill is not a symbolic gesture but a reflection of true fairness.

May all Beings be Happy, Peaceful and Free
Lots of Love / Ami Elsius

 

 

 

#Feminism #SacredSisterhood #GenderEquality #FeminismMatters #EqualPayNow #WomensRights #BreakTheBias #PatriarchyHurtsEveryone #FinancialInequality #EmpowerWomen #EqualityForAll #EndThePinkTax #UnpaidLabor #WomenInLeadership #CloseTheGap #FairPay #GenderJustice #WomenEmpowerment #StopViolenceAgainstWomen #SafetyForWomen #TimeForChange #TrueEquality #Sexism #ToxicMasculinity #EconomicEmpowerment #FightForEquality #NoMorePinkTax #EqualityNow #SupportWomen #StandUpForHer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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NEWSLETTER

The Global Regression of Women’s Rights

The Global Regression of Women’s Rights

The Global Regression of Women’s Rights

From Legal Setbacks to Cultural Backlash: The Global Regression of Women’s Rights and How We Can Move Forward

The Ongoing Struggle for Women’s Rights

Throughout history, the struggle for women’s rights has seen victories and setbacks. From the suffrage movement of the early 20th century to the MeToo movement of today, women have fought tirelessly for equality and autonomy. However, in recent years, we’re witnessing a troubling trend: a rollback of hard-won rights and an increase in cultural pressures that keep women from progressing. This isn’t just happening in one country or area; it’s a global regression, affecting various aspects of women’s lives, from legal rights and social expectations to body image and mental health.

This article explores the ways in which women’s rights are facing new challenges across the world, the cultural forces amplifying these issues, and why we need to stay vigilant and united to protect the progress we’ve made.

 

Legal Setbacks Across the Globe: Erosion of Rights in Law

Iraq and Afghanistan: A Regressive Shift in Women’s Rights

In Iraq, proposed amendments could lower the legal age of consent for girls to as young as nine, transferring judicial powers to religious authorities and limiting women’s rights to divorce, inheritance, and custody. Similarly, in Afghanistan, the Taliban’s return to power has devastated women’s rights. Girls are banned from attending school beyond sixth grade, and women are barred from most public life, reversing decades of progress.

Iraq and Afghanistan: A Regressive Shift in Women’s Rights
In Iraq, proposed amendments could lower the legal age of consent for girls to as young as nine, transferring judicial powers to religious authorities and limiting women’s rights to divorce, inheritance, and custody. Similarly, in Afghanistan, the Taliban’s return to power has devastated women’s rights. Girls are banned from attending school beyond sixth grade, and women are barred from most public life, reversing decades of progress.

Russia: Decriminalizing Domestic Abuse

In 2017, Russia amended its laws to decriminalize certain types of domestic violence, making it a civil offence to hit a family member, provided there are no broken bones or major injuries. This change has had devastating consequences for women, as it signals state approval of domestic violence, leaving victims with little recourse. That means that intimate partner violence, like rape, hitting, pushing, whipping…is not a crime, as long as the victim has no broken bones or has severe life-threatening injuries. Even if caught red-handed, the abuser would only get a warning or a fine of no more than 400 USD. 

Poland: Restricting Reproductive Rights

Poland’s strict anti-abortion laws virtually banned abortion in 2020, even in cases of severe fetal abnormalities. This has forced women to seek illegal or international options for abortion, placing them in harm’s way and infringing on their reproductive autonomy.

The United States: Reproductive Rights Under Threat

The 2022 overturning of Roe v. Wade by the U.S. Supreme Court ended federal protections for abortion rights, allowing individual states to impose their own restrictions. This has resulted in a patchwork of abortion laws, with many states enacting bans or severe restrictions, disproportionately impacting marginalized women.

Iran: Hijab Laws and the Suppression of Protest
Iran has cracked down on women’s freedoms since the death of Mahsa Amini, who was detained and killed for wearing her hijab “incorrectly.” The protests that followed were met with brutal suppression, further curbing women’s rights to expression and autonomy.

Iran: Hijab Laws and the Suppression of Protest

Iran has cracked down on women’s freedoms since the death of Mahsa Amini, who was detained and killed for wearing her hijab “incorrectly.” The protests that followed were met with brutal suppression, further curbing women’s rights to expression and autonomy.

Malala Yousafzai Quotes

“We realize the importance of our voice when we are silenced.”

“Do not wait for someone else to come and speak for you. It’s you who can change the world.” 

 

Cultural Backlash: A Rise in Toxic Masculinity and the Incel Movement

    The Incel Movement and the Rise of Misogyny

    The incel (involuntary celibate) movement, which fosters a deep-seated resentment toward women, has grown alarmingly in recent years. These online communities advocate violence against women and view them as the root of men’s problems. This toxic ideology often spills into the real world, promoting fear and hostility toward women and perpetuating misogyny.

    Influential Figures and the Spread of “Toxic Masculinity”

    Public figures like Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson have gained massive followings by promoting “traditional” gender roles and dismissing women’s concerns about equality and safety. They argue that men are “under attack” and that women should return to submissive roles. Their influence has helped normalize harmful attitudes, leading young men to adopt misogynistic views under the guise of self-improvement.

    Influential Figures and the Spread of “Toxic Masculinity”
Public figures like Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson have gained massive followings by promoting “traditional” gender roles and dismissing women’s concerns about equality and safety. They argue that men are "under attack" and that women should return to submissive roles. Their influence has helped normalize harmful attitudes, leading young men to adopt misogynistic views under the guise of self-improvement.

    Defamation Lawsuits and Smear Campaigns Against Women

    In a post-MeToo era, a backlash has emerged, where women who speak up about abuse often face defamation lawsuits or public smear campaigns. This trend aims to silence survivors by painting them as liars or attention-seekers. In many cases, women risk their reputations, careers, and financial stability to share their stories, only to be attacked legally and publicly.

    Malala Yousafzai Quotes

    “We realize the importance of our voice when we are silenced.”

    “Do not wait for someone else to come and speak for you. It’s you who can change the world.” 

     

    Unrealistic Beauty Standards: A New Form of Control Over Women’s Bodies

    The Dangerous Rise of Cosmetic Interventions

    While corsets and foot-binding may seem like distant relics of patriarchy, today’s beauty standards are not much different. The pressure to undergo extreme cosmetic procedures—such as lip fillers, breast implants, and Brazilian Butt Lifts (BBLs)—is immense. Social media, filtered images, and celebrity culture have created a “perfect” female image that is unattainable without invasive procedures. Botox and fillers are now normalized for women as young as their 20s, despite the health risks.

    Toxic Beauty Products and Cultural Pressure

    Many beauty products, like skin-lightening creams and harsh hair treatments, contain toxic chemicals but are marketed as essential for women to feel “beautiful” and “youthful.” The relentless pressure to conform to narrow beauty ideals forces women to invest time, money, and energy into an image that ultimately serves patriarchal views on femininity.

    The Dangerous Rise of Cosmetic Interventions
While corsets and foot-binding may seem like distant relics of patriarchy, today’s beauty standards are not much different. The pressure to undergo extreme cosmetic procedures—such as lip fillers, breast implants, and Brazilian Butt Lifts (BBLs)—is immense. Social media, filtered images, and celebrity culture have created a “perfect” female image that is unattainable without invasive procedures. Botox and fillers are now normalized for women as young as their 20s, despite the health risks.
    Riane Eisler Quotes

    “The real struggle is not between East and West, or capitalism and communism, but between the forces of partnership and domination.”

     

    Jane Goodall Quotes

    “What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.”  “You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you.”

     

    The “1950s Housewife” Trend on Social Media: A Glamorous Glorification of Traditional Gender Roles

    In recent years, a surprising trend has emerged on social media, with young women romanticizing the lifestyle of the 1950s housewife. This nostalgic view of traditional gender roles has become a curated, aesthetic-driven movement, where women portray themselves as devoted housewives who focus on homemaking, baking, and “serving” their husbands. Through stylized videos and vintage-inspired photos, this trend glorifies a life where women willingly give up independence, career ambitions, and personal decision-making to embrace a role centered around pleasing and supporting their husbands.

    The “1950s Housewife” or "Tradwife"Trend on Social Media: A Glamorous Glorification of Traditional Gender Roles

    But what’s troubling is that these portrayals often idealize a lifestyle without acknowledging the limitations and lack of autonomy women faced during the actual 1950s. The focus tends to be on beautiful kitchens, family recipes, and harmonious home scenes, glossing over the restrictions and social pressures that shaped women’s lives at that time. Instead, the trend promotes a version of femininity where a woman’s worth is tied to her ability to maintain a perfect household, raise children, and prioritize her partner’s needs above her own.

    The “1950s Housewife” or "Tradwife"Trend on Social Media: A Glamorous Glorification of Traditional Gender Roles

    A Manufactured Reality: The Influence of Social Media and Monetization

    Many influencers promoting this “traditional wife” lifestyle are not, in fact, living it themselves. Instead, they market this role as a brand, attracting followers who romanticize the idea and buy into products and courses on homemaking or “submissive” relationships. In many cases, these influencers are making money by selling a fantasy that does not align with their real lives. This creates a deceptive narrative that encourages women to model their lives after an idealized version of the past, often leading to unrealistic expectations about family life, relationships, and self-worth.

    Photo of Ami Elsius; for The Soulful Blog: Awakening, Healing, & Holistic Wellness
    Diverse and authentic tribe of community members in a collage for The Ami Effect, showcasing holistic healing and transformation.

    Become a member of our gated community and have 24/7 access to a supportive tribe, a large mental health resource library, live weekly Q&A calls with me, and much more. We were never meant to do it all alone; we thrive best in a tribe, with support, guidance and authentic connections. 

    Leymah Gbowee Quote

    “You can never leave footprints that last if you are always walking on tiptoe.”

    If you educate a man, you educate one person. If you educate a woman, you educate a nation.”

    Why This Trend is Problematic: Reinforcing Dependency and Limiting Self-Worth

    While it’s perfectly valid for individuals to choose a traditional family structure if that’s their preference, this trend becomes problematic when it suggests that a woman’s purpose and fulfillment lie solely in pleasing a man and managing a household. It promotes the idea that women should be dependent on men for financial stability, decision-making, and personal happiness. This message discourages self-sufficiency, independence, and resilience—all qualities that are essential for navigating the modern world.

    Moreover, this trend can create subtle pressures on young women who are still figuring out their identities and life goals. Seeing influencers glorify a lifestyle where women sacrifice their ambitions for a man’s well-being can make it harder for young women to believe in their right to personal fulfillment and independence. And unlike women in the 1950s, who had limited access to careers and financial independence, today’s women have far more choices—a fact that this trend tends to obscure or dismiss.

    Why This Tradwife Trend is Problematic: Reinforcing Dependency and Limiting Self-Worth

    A Step Backward in a Time of Hard-Won Progress

    The popularity of this trend can be seen as a response to the pressures of modern life, where high expectations and the pursuit of equality have sometimes left women feeling overwhelmed. Some may find comfort in a simpler, slower way of life that recalls traditional values. However, by idealizing this 1950s aesthetic without addressing the real limitations it placed on women’s lives, the trend risks romanticizing an era of restricted rights and choices.

    In this way, the “traditional housewife” trend is more than just a harmless social media fad; it reflects a broader cultural backlash against women’s independence. It subtly encourages women to relinquish their autonomy, fall into conventional roles, and depend on men, rather than emphasizing partnership, equality, and self-development. With a growing focus on these outdated roles, we risk normalizing the very limitations that past feminist movements fought so hard to overcome.

    Gloria Steinem Quote

    “A feminist is anyone who recognizes the equality and full humanity of women and men.” 10. “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”

    Why We Must Stay Critical of Retrograde Narratives

    The glamorization of traditional gender roles, like that of the 1950s housewife, should remind us of the dangers of idealizing the past without recognizing its challenges. While everyone has the right to choose their lifestyle, promoting a narrative that prioritizes dependency over empowerment threatens to set back the progress made in women’s rights. As we face a growing wave of legal, cultural, and social challenges to women’s autonomy, it’s more essential than ever to support narratives that empower women to make choices freely, based on their true desires and potential, not on aestheticized ideals.

    Historical Patterns: How Women’s Rights Have Been Rolled Back Over Time

    The history of women’s rights is filled with both progress and regression, showing us just how precarious these hard-won freedoms can be.

    Iran in the 1970s: A Stark Transformation

    In the 1970s, women in Iran enjoyed considerable freedoms: they wore modern clothing, attended university alongside men, and even participated in government. The social and cultural environment supported self-expression, and it wasn’t uncommon to see women in bikinis at the beach. However, after the 1979 Islamic Revolution, women’s rights took a dramatic step backward. Mandatory hijabs, restrictions on public behavior, and limits on education and employment drastically changed women’s lives, transforming Iran into a society where women’s autonomy and freedoms were sharply curtailed. Today, Iranian women still resist these restrictions, but the freedoms they enjoyed just a few decades ago remain out of reach for many.

    Nazi Germany: A Regression in Women’s Roles

    In the 1920s and early 1930s, women in Germany experienced unprecedented rights. They had the right to vote, pursued higher education, and joined the workforce in increasing numbers. However, with the rise of the Nazi regime, women were pushed out of professional roles and barred from certain levels of education, encouraged instead to focus on traditional roles of motherhood and domesticity. The regime promoted a strict vision of gender roles, limiting women’s autonomy and relegating them to the private sphere. This reversal demonstrates how political shifts can quickly undo societal progress.

    Iran in the 1970s: A Stark Transformation
In the 1970s, women in Iran enjoyed considerable freedoms: they wore modern clothing, attended university alongside men, and even participated in government. The social and cultural environment supported self-expression, and it wasn’t uncommon to see women in bikinis at the beach. However, after the 1979 Islamic Revolution, women’s rights took a dramatic step backward. Mandatory hijabs, restrictions on public behavior, and limits on education and employment drastically changed women’s lives, transforming Iran into a society where women’s autonomy and freedoms were sharply curtailed. Today, Iranian women still resist these restrictions, but the freedoms they enjoyed just a few decades ago remain out of reach for many.

    The United States in the 1940s and 1950s: Post-War Regression

    During World War II, American women entered the workforce in droves, taking on roles in manufacturing and other sectors traditionally dominated by men. The iconic image of “Rosie the Riveter” embodied the spirit of women’s empowerment and contribution to the war effort. However, after the war, women were encouraged to leave their jobs to make room for returning male soldiers. The 1950s saw a cultural push for women to return to domestic life, promoting an ideal of the “perfect housewife.” This shift sent a powerful message that women’s progress was contingent upon societal needs and expectations.

    The Suffrage Movement and Backlash in the Early 20th Century

    At the turn of the century, women around the world began winning the right to vote and participate in public life. However, this progress was met with intense backlash, with critics arguing that women’s suffrage threatened traditional family values. In the U.S., for example, the suffrage movement spurred anti-feminist groups to form, fighting to curb women’s rights to work and vote. Even after gaining the vote, many women were still excluded from meaningful roles in politics and society, and had to continue fighting against deeply ingrained resistance to their newfound rights.

     

    Audre Lorde Quote

    “I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own.”

    Western Women’s Liberation Movements: Gains and Losses

    The women’s liberation movements of the 1960s and 1970s brought radical changes across Europe and North America. Women fought for reproductive rights, access to contraception, and workplace equality. In many ways, these movements were successful, paving the way for advancements in women’s autonomy. However, the backlash was swift. In the 1980s, a conservative wave rolled through much of the West, with growing opposition to abortion rights, restrictions on access to contraception, and cultural pressures pushing women back toward traditional roles. This ebb and flow shows how even within progressive societies, women’s rights can become a target for conservative and reactionary forces.

    Eastern Europe After the Fall of Communism

    Under communist regimes, Eastern European countries often promoted women’s roles in the workforce and provided some forms of state-supported childcare and reproductive health services. However, after the fall of communism, many of these services were dismantled, and there was a push for women to return to traditional domestic roles. In countries like Poland and Hungary, reproductive rights and access to family planning services were significantly restricted in the years that followed, demonstrating how shifts in political ideology can directly impact women’s lives and autonomy.

    The Path Forward: Working Together with Understanding and Compassion

     

    Education and Awareness

    Creating awareness about these regressions in women’s rights is essential. Both men and women need to understand that these issues are not just “women’s problems” but societal issues that affect everyone.

     

    Empowering Women to Reject Unrealistic Standards

    Women can reclaim control by challenging beauty standards and advocating for self-acceptance. The pressure to conform to impossible beauty ideals diminishes when women unite to celebrate authenticity, diversity, and personal choice.

    Engaging Men as Allies

    To make lasting progress, it’s crucial to involve men in the conversation. Approaching these discussions with empathy and understanding, rather than hostility, helps prevent defensiveness and encourages men to become allies. Men who understand the importance of equality can play a powerful role in countering the spread of toxic masculinity and supporting the fight for women’s rights.

    Supporting Women’s Rights Organizations Globally

    International support for organizations that protect women’s rights is critical. Groups like RAINN, Amnesty International, UN Women, International Rescue Committee (IRC)Equality Now and local grassroots organizations provide resources and advocacy that help maintain momentum for women’s rights worldwide.

    A Call to Stay Vigilant and United

    The fight for women’s rights is far from over. While progress has been made, the rise of conservative laws, toxic cultural trends, and unrealistic beauty standards are challenging that progress on multiple fronts. History reminds us that women’s rights are not guaranteed—they require vigilance, unity, and a commitment to continuous advocacy.

    The global regression of women’s rights highlights the importance of solidarity and awareness. By addressing these issues with compassion, we can work together to ensure that the progress made is protected and expanded. True gender equality will only be achieved when both women and men stand together to create a world that values dignity, autonomy, and respect for all.

    Lots of Love, may all beings be happy peaceful and free

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    Holistic Trauma Healing Program

    Bonus Material 1
    NEWSLETTER
    Drugging in Abusive Relationships

    Drugging in Abusive Relationships

    Drugging in Abusive Relationships

    Ami Elsius Holistic Trauma Healing Program

    Written by Ami Elsius

    Drugging in Abusive Relationships and Exploitative Dynamics

    The Hidden Nature of Drugging in Abusive Relationships

    Manipulation Behind Closed Doors

    Drugging in intimate relationships is a weapon of control, used to manipulate a partner’s state of mind and body. Unlike physical violence, which leaves visible marks, drugging is invisible—both literally and figuratively. Abusers often use this method to:

    • Exert Control: Keeping a partner docile and compliant.
    • Facilitate Sexual Abuse: Rendering the victim unable to resist or remember.
    • Create Psychological Dependence: Controlling access to medication or drugs.
    • Isolate and Discredit: Making the victim seem mentally unstable or intoxicated.

    A Closer Look at Drugging Tactics

    In these relationships, drugging can manifest in various forms:

    • Sedation and Submission: Abusers may introduce sedatives into meals or drinks, causing the victim to become unusually drowsy, compliant, or confused. This tactic ensures that the victim doesn’t question the abuser’s actions and remains passive.
    • Surreptitious Drugging: Abusers might disguise a drug as a vitamin, or convince the victim that a certain medication is necessary for health. Over time, this breeds dependency, making it easier for the abuser to exert control over medical care.
    • Psychological Gaslighting: The victim, repeatedly experiencing confusion or lapses in memory, begins to question their reality. This is often accompanied by gaslighting—abusers making the victim feel they are “crazy” or mentally unwell, making them more isolated and dependent.

    Psychological Impacts on Victims

     

    • Loss of Trust in Their Own Judgment: Constant drugging leads to severe confusion, fostering self-doubt.
    • Cognitive Impairment: Prolonged exposure to certain substances can affect memory, decision-making, and emotional regulation.
    • Emotional and Mental Isolation: Even if a victim has suspicions about their abuser, the fear of not being believed—or feeling unsure if the events even occurred—can be isolating.
    Drugging in Abusive Relationships and Exploitative Dynamics

    The Story of Giselle Pericot

    A Survivor’s Fight for Justice

    In 2020, Gisèle Pelicot discovered she had been the victim of a decade-long nightmare. Her husband of 50 years, Dominique Pelicot, had been secretly drugging her with sedatives and inviting strangers into their home to rape her while she lay unconscious in bed. The abuse came to light when Dominique was arrested for attempting to take illicit photos in a supermarket, leading police to uncover his extensive digital archive. What they found shocked everyone: thousands of images and videos documenting assaults on Gisèle, as well as explicit evidence of the meticulous planning behind these crimes.

    “It’s not for us to have shame—it’s for them” she told the courtroom making it clear that her decision to open the trial to the public was a conscious choice to shift the burden of shame from victims to perpetrators. “I want all women who have been raped to say: Madame Pelicot did it, I can too. I don’t want them to be ashamed any longer,” she emphasized, hoping her courage would empower other victims to come forward.

    Despite years of confusion over health problems, which she initially attributed to early Alzheimer’s or another illness, it was only in 2020 that Gisèle learned the real cause. Dominique had been secretly administering crushed sleeping pills in her food and drink, causing “total blackouts” that lasted through the night. In those moments, he would not only violate her but invite others to join him, orchestrating over 200 assaults with more than 90 different men, according to investigators.

    Gisèle’s willingness to share her story and expose the videos of the assaults during the trial has made her a symbol of resilience. For her, it’s about more than personal justice—it’s about societal change. “Bravery means jumping into the sea to rescue someone. I just have will and determination,” she said. Her testimony underscores the courage it takes to face trauma publicly, especially when that trauma involves a loved one’s betrayal.

    Post awakening, new compass, new challenges after a a spiritual awakening

    Drugging as a Tool for Sexual Exploitation

    Facilitating Sexual Violations

    Sexual abuse facilitated through drugging often leaves victims with fragmented memories or no recollection at all, which can be profoundly disorienting and traumatic. This form of abuse includes:

    • Non-Consensual Recording: Abusers may film or photograph drugged victims during sexual acts, exploiting them when they are most vulnerable.
    • Selling and Sharing Non-Consensual Content: Some abusers distribute images or videos to humiliate the victim, gain control, or even for monetary gain—turning a deeply personal violation into a public spectacle.
    • Profit and Fetishization: Disturbingly, there is a market that fetishizes unconsciousness or drugged partners. Some abusers post videos on adult sites, reinforcing a culture that normalizes exploitation and non-consent.

    The Rise of Revenge Porn and Blackmail

    Drugging often intersects with other abusive tactics, like revenge porn:

    • Blackmail: Threatening to share compromising material becomes a tool to keep victims trapped. The fear of exposure—especially in communities or workplaces where such revelations can cause immense harm—paralyzes many victims from seeking help.
    • Revenge Porn: Posting non-consensual sexual imagery online, sometimes years after the relationship has ended, is a way for abusers to regain control over former partners, using their darkest moments as leverage.

    The Role of the Internet in Facilitating Abuse

    The anonymity and accessibility of the internet allow abusers to distribute non-consensual material with little risk of consequence. Despite increasing awareness and legal measures in some countries, many platforms still fail to protect victims adequately. The process of getting non-consensual material removed can be long, arduous, and re-traumatizing for survivors.

    Research and Case Studies in Drug-Facilitated Abuse

    Famous Cases and Documented Scandals

    The cases of Bill Cosby, Jeffrey Epstein and Sean P. Diddy Combs brought national attention to the concept of drug-facilitated sexual abuse, albeit outside the realm of intimate relationships. These high-profile cases underline the extent to which drugs can be used to manipulate and control.

    • Bill Cosby: Convicted of drugging and sexually assaulting women over a period of years, Cosby’s case was one of the first to shine a spotlight on the long history of drug-facilitated abuse by powerful individuals.
    • Jeffrey Epstein: Allegations involved the use of drugs to incapacitate young women and girls for the purpose of exploitation, revealing a network of systemic abuse and manipulation within elite circles.
    • Sean P. Diddy Combs: With the case still open as I write this, allegedly he would put GHB, Rohynol (known as the date rape drug) in drinks and in baby oil and lotions to facilitate sexual assaults on his victims 

    Documented Cases of Intimate Partner Drugging

    Within intimate relationships, drugging remains vastly underreported, but research is beginning to document its prevalence:

    • The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) reports that up to 20% of women in abusive relationships have experienced substance-related coercion.
    • A UK Study highlighted that coercive control often includes subtle forms of drugging, such as administering or withholding medication without consent.

    Survivor Stories: Shining a Light on Hidden Abuse

    In domestic violence shelters, survivor accounts often reveal that victims only discovered the drugging after leaving the relationship. Some victims described persistent health issues and cognitive fog that lifted once they were free from their abuser’s influence, highlighting the long-term health consequences of covert drugging.

     

    Lucia, sedated by her husband and in-laws. 

    I have personally met and talked to several women that report being drugged by their partners. One of those women, from Sicily, was drugged by her husband and in-laws to prevent her from pursuing a carer and driving her car, they kept telling her she was better off being a housewife and was to absentminded to be out and about driving. After a car accident when she fell asleep at the wheel (in the middle of the day) and hit a tree. She was thankfully not injured but the hospital took a standard drug test. They found strong sedatives in the samples. She said she he didn’t use any sedatives or sleeping aids. They asked her to come back in a few days and do the test again.  So she did and it still showed she had sedatives in her system. As she insisted she had not taken any, the nurse encouraged her to only consume food and drinks she had personally prepared for the following 10 days and then come back and do the test again. No sedatives in the sample. 

    If in doubt, this is what I suggest you do. Go test yourself at two different times, if you discover traces of drugs you have not taken, go one to two weeks only eating and drinking what you have personally prepared and then do the same test again. 

    Psychological Insights and Expert Opinions

    The Psychology Behind Drugging as a Form of Control

    Psychologists and relationship experts emphasize that drugging is not merely about sex or submission—it’s about power. Lundy Bancroft, a leading expert on abusive relationships, notes that drugging reflects a deep need for control, where the abuser decides not only what the victim does but what they feel and remember.

    Coercive Control: A Broader Understanding

    Drugging falls under the umbrella of coercive control—a pattern of behavior aimed at dominating a partner. This can include physical, emotional, psychological, and financial abuse. Sandra Horley, CEO of Refuge, stresses that drug-facilitated abuse is an “invisible tactic,” making it harder to detect and prosecute but no less damaging.

    IMG 8319 3

    Practical Advice for Victims and Allies

    Recognizing the Warning Signs

    It’s essential to educate both potential victims and their support networks on the warning signs of drugging:

    • Memory Lapses or Confusion: If you often feel disoriented after meals or drinks prepared by your partner, this might indicate tampering.
    • Physical Symptoms: Unusual fatigue, dizziness, or grogginess that occurs sporadically and without clear cause.
    • Behavioral Changes in the Abuser: If a partner insists on controlling food or medication, isolates you from doctors, or becomes defensive when questioned, take note.

    Building a Safety Plan

    Creating a safety plan is crucial if drugging is suspected:

    1. Document Suspicious Events: Keep a hidden journal of your symptoms, documenting dates, times, and what you ate or drank.
    2. Seek Medical Help Discreetly: If possible, see a trusted healthcare professional without your partner present, and request a comprehensive test for potential substances.
    3. Reach Out to Support Services: Contact local domestic violence hotlines or abuse shelters for guidance. They can help create a safe plan for leaving if necessary.

    NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY 

    From Anxiety and Confusion to Calm and Clarity.

    You’ve Survived Narcissistic Abuse—Now It’s Time to Heal and Reclaim Your Power. Living through narcissistic abuse leaves invisible scars—on your mind, your body, and your spirit. The manipulation, gaslighting,  and constant emotional abuse can disrupt your entire system, leaving you feeling anxious, disconnected, and unable to trust yourself.

    But what if you could break free from the cycle of fear and overwhelm? What if you could reset your nervous system, reclaim your voice, and truly heal?

     

    I Help You Move From Surviving To Thriving

    Transform Pain Into Empowerment

    Hi, my name is Ami Elsius; I’m a Trauma-Informed Holistic Wellness Coach who helps victims of narcissistic abuse go from living in a state of anxiety, hypervigilance, and self-doubt to feeling peaceful, emotionally stable, and confident. The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program, with its holistic approach, community support, comprehensive toolbox, and flexible solutions, will give you measurable and lasting results.

    Having both personal and professional experience of narcissistic abuse and trauma healing, I understand the specific challenges you are facing and know the recipe for and roadmap to freedom, inner calm, and empowerment. I’d love to share it with you and give you all the tools and support you need to be happy, peaceful and free. 

    Research and Statistics—Understanding the Scope

    Existing Research and the Need for More Data

    Research on drug-facilitated abuse within intimate relationships remains limited, but emerging data highlights its prevalence:

    • Underreporting Due to Stigma and Confusion: Victims of drug-facilitated abuse often don’t realize what’s happening to them until long after the fact. The psychological manipulation associated with this form of abuse—often labeled as “gaslighting”—can leave victims confused, unsure if they are genuinely experiencing abuse or if it’s “all in their head.” This makes accurate statistics difficult to obtain.
    • Studies on Domestic Abuse Shelters: In one UK-based study, many women seeking refuge reported that their partners controlled their access to medication, either by withholding it or by administering it without their consent. These cases are often intertwined with gaslighting tactics, where abusers create health crises to ensure dependency and control.
    • Findings from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV): A survey found that nearly 1 in 5 women in abusive relationships had encountered some form of substance-related manipulation, including drugging without their consent. This points to a broader, underrecognized problem.

    Gaps in the Legal and Clinical Framework

    Due to the covert nature of drugging, there are significant gaps in both the legal system and clinical practice when it comes to recognizing and responding to this abuse:

    • Inadequate Legal Protections: The legal system often requires concrete evidence for prosecution—something that is notoriously hard to gather in cases of drugging. Victims may not immediately recognize the abuse, leading to a delay in reporting. Additionally, law enforcement may not be trained to look for the subtle signs of drugging unless it’s explicitly mentioned by the victim, which is often not the case.
    • Limited Clinical Awareness: Medical professionals may not recognize the signs of drug-facilitated abuse if they are not asking the right questions. Routine screenings for substance abuse during medical check-ups may miss the mark if practitioners don’t suspect that the reported symptoms are related to drugging within an abusive relationship. Experts advocate for more trauma-informed care and specific training on identifying covert abuse tactics.
      Young woman standing in water, symbolizing depression and numbness. Then it's not easy to find your purpose and passion in life.

      Research Statistics from Related Fields

      Several studies from adjacent fields give a sense of the broader context:

      • Date Rape Drugs: Studies in social settings, like clubs or universities, have shown that drug-facilitated sexual assaults are more common than previously believed. In the UK, a study revealed that 1 in 13 young women reported experiencing drug-facilitated sexual violence in social contexts.
      • Alcohol as a Coercive Tool: Alcohol remains the most frequently used substance in coercive sexual situations, where partners pressure victims to consume excessive amounts, leading to compliance or vulnerability. According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network), over 50% of sexual assaults involve alcohol, showing how substances can play a pivotal role in abusive dynamics.

      Legal and Clinical Perspectives—Challenges in Recognizing and Prosecuting Drug-Facilitated Abuse

      The Legal Landscape: Barriers to Justice

      The legal system faces significant hurdles when it comes to prosecuting cases of drug-facilitated abuse:

      • Lack of Evidence: Evidence of drugging is inherently difficult to obtain, especially if the victim delays seeking medical help. Most substances leave the system quickly, and without a timely blood or urine test, proving drugging becomes almost impossible.
      • Invisibility of the Crime: Unlike physical abuse, drugging doesn’t leave visible marks. This “invisible” nature makes it harder for law enforcement to take allegations seriously without corroborating evidence.
      • Coercive Control Not Fully Recognized: Some regions are beginning to legally recognize coercive control as a form of domestic abuse, but this is far from universal. Where it is recognized, drug-facilitated abuse can fall under this category, but it still faces the challenge of proof.

      Forensic and Clinical Challenges

      Medical professionals, forensic nurses, and psychologists are on the frontline of identifying and documenting abuse, yet they face their own set of challenges:

      • Testing Limitations: Many hospitals have limited drug panels, focusing on common substances like alcohol or narcotics. Designer drugs or prescription medications might go undetected unless specifically tested for.
      • Forensic Expertise: Forensic nurses play a critical role in abuse cases, but many regions lack trained personnel. Even in areas with forensic expertise, the burden of documentation falls on the victim, who may be hesitant or confused.
      • Legal and Clinical Coordination: Improving communication between medical professionals and law enforcement is crucial for gathering and preserving evidence, yet systemic barriers remain. Some advocates call for specialized training for healthcare providers on identifying drug-facilitated abuse within intimate relationships.
      magazine 18

      Never forget that walking away from something unhealthy is brave, even if you stumble a little on your way out the door.

      The Psychological Toll—Impact on Victims

      Emotional and Cognitive Consequences of Drugging

      Drug-facilitated abuse goes beyond the immediate act; it has long-term psychological and emotional effects:

      • Erosion of Self-Trust: Victims often doubt their own judgment, questioning if they’re exaggerating or imagining symptoms. This erosion of self-trust is a core aspect of psychological manipulation and gaslighting.
      • Memory and Cognitive Issues: Drugs can affect memory formation, leading to gaps in recollection. Victims may find themselves confused or disoriented, struggling to remember events or understand what happened. This creates a vulnerability that abusers exploit, casting doubt on any accusations.
      • Anxiety and PTSD: Repeated incidents of drugging can lead to symptoms akin to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), including flashbacks, hypervigilance, and panic attacks. Victims might develop severe anxiety, especially around food, drink, or medical settings, fearing that they might be drugged again.

      The Social and Relational Impact

      The consequences of drugging extend into the social and relational realms:

      • Isolation from Support Networks: Victims often withdraw from friends and family, feeling embarrassed or confused about their symptoms. This isolation is frequently encouraged by the abuser, who may manipulate the victim into believing that nobody else would understand or believe them.
      • Shame and Guilt: Feelings of shame are common, particularly if the abuse was sexual. Victims may blame themselves for not realizing they were being drugged or feel guilty for staying in the relationship.
      • Mistrust of Medical and Legal Systems: Due to the challenges in proving drug-facilitated abuse, many victims feel abandoned by institutions. A lack of understanding and support from medical and legal professionals can exacerbate this mistrust, making it harder for victims to seek help.

       

      Practical Advice for Professionals and Support Networks

      Best Practices for Healthcare Professionals

      Medical professionals, including doctors, nurses, and therapists, can play a pivotal role in recognizing and responding to drug-facilitated abuse:

      • Ask Specific Questions: In cases where domestic abuse is suspected, it’s vital to ask about symptoms of drugging. Questions such as, “Have you ever felt unusually disoriented or fatigued after eating or drinking?” can open up the conversation.
      • Utilize Trauma-Informed Care: Adopt a trauma-informed approach that emphasizes empathy, validation, and support. Creating a safe space where victims feel believed is crucial.
      • Improve Training and Awareness: Advocate for more comprehensive training in recognizing the subtle signs of coercive drug use within abusive dynamics. Hospitals and clinics should consider incorporating training modules on identifying domestic abuse that involves drugging.

      Guidelines for Legal Professionals

      Legal professionals, including law enforcement officers, prosecutors, and defense attorneys, can make a difference in how drug-facilitated abuse cases are handled:

      • Gather Comprehensive Evidence: Encourage law enforcement to treat allegations seriously and to collect all potential evidence, including any suspicious items found in the home, digital communication, or witness statements.
      • Educate on Coercive Control: Recognize drugging as part of a broader pattern of coercive control. Understanding this context can improve how cases are presented in court and may increase the likelihood of a successful prosecution.
      • Coordinate with Medical Experts: Build partnerships with forensic nurses and clinical psychologists who specialize in abuse cases. Their expertise can be instrumental in court proceedings, especially when physical evidence is lacking.

      Advice for Support Networks—Friends, Family, and Advocates

      Supporting a loved one or client who might be experiencing drug-facilitated abuse requires sensitivity and caution:

      • Be Observant and Non-Judgmental: If someone you know is showing signs of confusion, lethargy, or unexplained illness, gently express concern without making them feel judged. Validate their experiences and refrain from making definitive conclusions.
      • Encourage Medical Independence: Suggest that they see a healthcare professional without their partner’s presence. Offer to accompany them to provide emotional support and ensure they can speak openly.
      • Respect Their Autonomy: Don’t push them to leave the relationship before they are ready. Focus on building trust and offering information about resources, such as hotlines, shelters, or legal advice.

       

      Transformering puppa till fjaril
      magazine 18

      Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.

      Prevention and Awareness—What We Can Do as a Society

      Educating the Public

      Raising awareness is one of the most effective ways to prevent drug-facilitated abuse:

      • Media Campaigns: Use media—social media, articles, podcasts, and video content—to highlight the issue of drugging within relationships. Stories from survivors can humanize the data and make the issue more relatable.
      • Educational Workshops: Schools, universities, and community centers can host workshops on recognizing and preventing drug-facilitated abuse. These workshops should emphasize the role of coercive control and non-consensual imagery as abuse.

      Improving Legislation and Advocacy

      Legal reforms can significantly impact how these cases are handled:

      • Advocate for Stronger Laws: Support legislation that criminalizes coercive control and enhances penalties for drug-facilitated sexual abuse. Push for clearer guidelines on evidence collection and increased funding for forensic resources.
      • Support for Survivors: Encourage the creation of survivor-focused resources that provide legal advice, healthcare, and psychological support. The burden of proof in such cases should be balanced with a compassionate understanding of the challenges victims face.

      Supporting Grassroots Movements

      Empower local communities to get involved:

      • Form Survivor Networks: Create confidential support networks where survivors can share their experiences and provide peer guidance.
      • Involve Local Organizations: Partner with domestic violence shelters, mental health charities, and legal advocacy groups to ensure a comprehensive approach to supporting victims.

       

      A Call to Action

      Addressing drug-facilitated abuse within relationships is a complex challenge that requires a collective effort from individuals, communities, and systems. By shedding light on this hidden abuse, we create a path toward healing and justice, ensuring that survivors feel seen, heard, and supported. This is not merely about exposing a dark reality but about changing a culture that often fails to recognize the most invisible forms of violence.

      magazine 18

      Strenght is removing your kids from a toxic environment, NOT learning to live with it “for the sake of the kids”.

       

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      Embracing Menopause: The Liberation of a Woman’s True Power

      Embracing Menopause: The Liberation of a Woman’s True Power

      Embracing Menopause: The Liberation of a Woman’s True Power

      Embracing Menopause: The Liberation of a Woman’s True Power

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      For generations, menopause has been portrayed in a limiting and often negative light—a time when a woman’s fertility wanes, and she is cast aside by a society that values youth, beauty, and the ability to give life. Media, culture, and even our collective consciousness have told us that a woman’s worth is intrinsically tied to her ability to nurture and give, primarily through her fertility. But this narrative couldn’t be further from the truth.

      In reality, menopause is one of the most powerful transitions in a woman’s life—a liberation, a stepping into her true essence, autonomy, and wisdom. It is a profound initiation into a new phase where a woman retains her energy, connects deeply with nature and her inner wisdom, and claims her rightful place as a sage. It’s time we question what we’ve been told about menopause and rewrite the story to reflect the beauty, power, and freedom that it truly represents.

      The Myth of the “Witch”: A Woman in Her Power

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      If you look back through history, mythology, and fairy tales, the image of the older, independent woman living in nature—often portrayed as a “witch”—is prevalent. She is depicted as mysterious, dangerous, and someone to be feared or even cast away. But this portrayal is a reflection of how society has long feared a woman who no longer gives in the traditional sense—no longer bound to the roles of mother, wife, and nurturer. A woman who steps into menopause has completed a great cycle of giving—through nurturing children, partners, and communities—and now she reclaims her energy and channels it inward.

      This reclamation of power is precisely why she has been misunderstood, feared, and labeled as dangerous. A woman in menopause is no longer tied to the endless cycles of fertility, menstruation, and caretaking. She becomes autonomous, self-reliant, and often more in tune with the deeper wisdom of the earth. This independence has historically threatened patriarchal systems that relied on women’s giving and subservience. Instead of seeing the menopausal woman as “bad” or “a witch,” it’s time we recognize her as a wise elder—a woman who has become whole, untethered by societal expectations, and more in tune with her true self.

      From Giving to Retaining: Reclaiming Energy and Power

      Throughout her fertile years, a woman’s body is often seen as a vessel for others. Her breasts swell in readiness to nurture life, her womb cycles through phases of preparation for creation, and her energy is often directed toward those around her—children, partners, and society. It’s a beautiful process, but it’s also one that demands a constant outpouring of energy.

      Menopause marks the end of this constant giving and the beginning of something truly revolutionary: the retention of energy. With the cessation of menstruation and fertility, a woman no longer needs to give in the same way. Instead, she can redirect this energy toward herself—toward her own growth, dreams, and wisdom. She becomes the keeper of her own life force.

      Menopause is not a loss; it’s a rebirth. It is the moment when a woman’s body stops preparing for others and begins nurturing her own power. And when this transition is embraced, it can lead to profound growth, creativity, and spiritual awakening. A woman in menopause is no longer bound to the cycles of giving and depletion. She steps into her sovereignty.

      A Deep Connection with Nature and Wisdom

      Women who are in tune with their cycles, their bodies, and their wisdom find that menopause deepens their connection with the rhythms of nature. The hormonal fluctuations of menstruation may cease, but a new cycle of wisdom begins—one that aligns with the earth’s cycles of death and renewal, growth and hibernation. This is the sage phase, a time when a woman’s inner compass becomes clearer, and she can offer her unique wisdom to the world.

      In many cultures, older women were once revered as wise leaders, healers, and advisors. Their insight was sought after, and they held positions of honor in their communities. Unfortunately, modern society has largely lost this respect for elder women, pushing a narrative that values youth and fertility above all else. But when we look to indigenous traditions or ancient cultures, we see the deep respect given to menopausal women. They are the ones who hold the knowledge of life, who have walked through fire, and who can offer guidance from a place of lived experience and spiritual connection.

      The wisdom that menopausal women carry is not only for themselves but also for their communities. It is the knowledge of cycles—of life, death, and rebirth—and of what it means to live in harmony with oneself and the world.

      Menopause and the Fear of Losing Value

      One of the greatest fears that women face as they approach menopause is the fear of losing value. Society has placed so much emphasis on fertility, youth, and beauty that many women feel that their worth is tied to these external markers. The beauty industry capitalizes on this fear, encouraging women to resist aging at all costs, to strive to look young, sexy, and fertile, even when their bodies are naturally transitioning into a new phase of life.

      But this fear is rooted in a misunderstanding of what truly makes a woman valuable. Fertility is just one phase of life—it is not the totality of a woman’s existence. A woman’s value is not diminished by age or the end of her fertility; in fact, it is enhanced by the wisdom, strength, and independence she gains in this new phase of life.

      We must shift the narrative. Menopause should be seen not as the end of a woman’s value, but as a gateway to freedom—freedom from the expectations of others, freedom from the cycles of giving, and freedom to fully embrace her own power. In many cultures, elders are seen as the most valuable members of society, the ones who hold the key to knowledge and guidance. When we reconnect with this wisdom, we can reclaim the deep respect and reverence that menopausal women deserve.

      The Liberation of Menopause: Freedom from Expectations

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      I remember 25 years ago in a rural area in Bali (I was looking into living there at that time) I became aware of a beautiful tradition that some women still embraced. After menopause, they removed their bras and went topless, embracing their bodies in their natural state. For them, it’s an act of liberation—a way of saying, “I have done my duty as a mother and wife. I am no longer here to be seen as a sexual object or a giver of nourishment. Now, I am free to be fully myself.”  But it was also deeper than that, before colonization, they were all topless as  breasts were not sexualised (the woman’s neck was).

      Before Dutch colonization in the early 20th century, it was common for Balinese women to walk around topless as part of their traditional attire, particularly in rural areas. This was not considered improper or unusual in Balinese culture. Their toplessness was a reflection of the island’s climate and a natural, accepted part of everyday life.

      However, when the Dutch began to establish control over Bali, they introduced European standards of modesty, which frowned upon public nudity, including women being topless. This cultural imposition led to the gradual covering up of Balinese women, particularly in public spaces. The Dutch colonial administration, along with Christian missionaries, played a significant role in promoting Western norms of decency and dress.

      Over time, these external pressures, combined with the growing influence of global tourism and modernization, contributed to lasting changes in Balinese customs regarding dress. The shift can be seen as part of a larger pattern of colonial powers imposing their cultural norms on indigenous populations. 

      This act can be seen as a statement of autonomy, independence, and resistance to the ongoing effects of colonization on Balinese culture. It represents a reclaiming of the body and the natural state of being, while rejecting the external pressures that have historically sought to control and dictate women’s appearance and behavior. Thus, in this context, it becomes a powerful expression of both personal and cultural liberation.

      Across the world, various cultures have experienced similar dynamics where colonial or external forces imposed new standards of dress, behavior, or modesty, leading to acts of resistance or reclaiming of traditional practices. Here are a few examples:

      1. Breastfeeding in Public – Africa

      In many African cultures, particularly in rural areas, breastfeeding in public was traditionally accepted and seen as natural. However, with European colonization and the spread of Western norms, public breastfeeding began to be stigmatized in some regions. Today, some African women and activists are reclaiming the practice as a way of resisting imposed Western notions of modesty and reconnecting with their cultural roots. Movements advocating for the normalization of breastfeeding in public can be seen as a modern reclaiming of autonomy over their bodies and a rejection of colonial-era shame.

      2. The Hawaiian Hula Reclamation

      In Hawaii, the traditional hula dance was banned by Christian missionaries in the 19th century due to its perceived “indecency.” Hula was considered too sensual, particularly with the way women dressed and moved. However, in the 1970s, during the Hawaiian Renaissance, there was a powerful movement to reclaim hula and other traditional practices as part of native Hawaiian identity and pride. Today, hula is not only a cultural expression but also an act of resistance and a rejection of the suppression imposed by colonization.

      3. Indigenous Dress in Latin America

      In various Latin American countries, particularly among indigenous communities, traditional clothing was discouraged or outright banned by colonial powers. In Bolivia, for example, indigenous women known as “cholitas” were pressured to adopt Western-style clothing during colonial times, and wearing their traditional pollera skirts and bowler hats became associated with lower social status. However, in recent years, many women have reclaimed these traditional outfits as a symbol of pride and resistance, with cholitas now often proudly wearing their traditional clothing and even participating in cholita wrestling, a sport that empowers these women through their cultural identity.

      4. Indigenous Australian Resistance to Colonial Dress Codes

      Before British colonization, Indigenous Australians lived semi-naked, adapting their attire to their environment. Colonizers, particularly missionaries, imposed European clothing on indigenous peoples, associating nudity or traditional attire with “savagery.” In the 1960s and 70s, as part of the broader indigenous rights movement, there was a reclaiming of traditional practices, including elements of dress and body paint, which had been suppressed. This was an assertion of cultural identity and autonomy in the face of continued colonial influence.

      5. First Nations and Inuit Clothing in Canada

      Inuit and First Nations peoples in Canada traditionally wore fur and hide clothing suitable for the harsh climates of the Arctic and sub-Arctic. However, with colonization, there was pressure to adopt Western-style clothing. As part of cultural reclamation movements in recent years, indigenous communities are reintroducing traditional clothing as a way of asserting their identity, reconnecting with traditional ways of life, and rejecting the erasure of their culture. This reclaiming extends to the beading and fur-trimmed parkas, which are both functional and symbolic of indigenous pride and resistance to colonial assimilation.

      6. Nudity in Native American Ceremonies

      In some Native American cultures, nudity was a natural part of certain spiritual ceremonies and rites of passage. Colonial European settlers and missionaries, however, imposed strict dress codes and associated nudity with immorality. Today, some Native American communities are reclaiming their traditional ceremonies, including aspects of dress and nudity, as a form of cultural preservation and resistance against the centuries of imposed Christian and colonial norms.

      7. The Hijab and Veil Debate in Muslim Cultures

      In countries like Iran and Turkey, the wearing of the hijab or veil has been a symbol of both resistance and imposition at different times in history. During periods of Westernization in the 20th century, such as under Turkey’s Atatürk or Iran’s Shah, there were laws banning traditional Islamic dress, including the veil, as part of modernization efforts. In response, many women resisted these impositions by continuing to wear the veil as a symbol of cultural and religious identity. The complex politics surrounding the hijab today, in both Western and Muslim-majority countries, reflects the ongoing tension between personal freedom, cultural identity, and external pressures, whether they come from colonial powers or local governments.

      8. Pacific Islander Tattoo Traditions

      In Polynesian cultures, traditional tattoos (such as tā moko in Māori culture and pe’a in Samoa) were central to cultural identity, status, and spirituality. European missionaries discouraged or outright banned tattooing during the colonial era, associating it with “heathen” practices. Today, Polynesians are reclaiming their tattoo traditions as symbols of pride and resistance to colonization. Getting traditional tattoos is now seen as a way of reconnecting with their ancestors and asserting cultural identity in the face of ongoing Western influence.


      Pre Christian Europe

      In Europe, many pre-Christian traditions, including those of the pagans, druids, and Vikings, were similarly subject to repression by the rise of Christianity and the imposition of new moral and societal norms. These ancient cultures had a deep connection with nature, reverence for the cycles of life, and a more fluid understanding of the body and spirituality. The transition to Christianity across Europe, often accompanied by force and colonization, resulted in the demonization and suppression of many of these beliefs and practices. Here’s a deeper look into how these European traditions were affected and how elements of them are being reclaimed today:

      9. Pagan Traditions and Reverence for Nature

      Pre-Christian Europe was predominantly pagan, with various tribes and cultures worshipping nature gods and goddesses, the sun, the moon, and the earth itself. In these cultures, there was often a deep reverence for women, fertility, and the cycles of life and death. Female deities, like the Celtic Brigid or the Norse Freyja, were central to spiritual life.

      • Women as spiritual leaders: Many pagan societies revered women as priestesses, healers, and spiritual leaders, often associating them with wisdom, the moon, and nature’s regenerative powers. This role was dramatically diminished with the rise of Christianity, which often portrayed women as sinful or in need of control. Many of the women once seen as healers were later labeled witches or heretics.

      • Sacred groves and natural spaces: Druids and other pagan groups often worshipped in natural spaces, such as forests, groves, and rivers, seeing these areas as sacred. The destruction of these sacred places and the building of churches over them were common tactics used by early Christian missionaries to replace the old religions with Christianity.

      In recent decades, there has been a resurgence of neo-pagan movements, such as Wicca and Druidry, which reclaim this deep connection to nature and ancient traditions. For many, this reclamation is about reestablishing harmony with the earth and honoring the cycles of life and death in ways that feel more aligned with their ancestral roots.

      10. Druids and the Wisdom of the Sacred

      The Druids were the priestly class of the Celts, renowned for their deep spiritual knowledge, their connection with nature, and their role as mediators between the material world and the spiritual realm. They were particularly associated with sacred oak trees and natural places of worship, such as stone circles and groves.

      • Repression by the Romans and Christians: The Druids were systematically oppressed by both the Romans and later by Christian missionaries. Romans considered Druidic practices a threat to their rule, particularly their influence over the Celtic tribes. After the Christianization of Europe, Druidic beliefs were further demonized, their wisdom often reinterpreted as dark magic or witchcraft.

      • Reclaiming Druidic traditions: In the 20th century, the Druid revival began, with groups like the Order of Bards, Ovates, and Druids (OBOD) emerging to reclaim and revive Druidic spirituality. These modern Druids emphasize a connection to nature, seasonal cycles, and ancient wisdom, representing a spiritual reconnection to pre-Christian roots.

      11. Viking Traditions: The Norse Gods and Feminine Power

      The Vikings, or Norse people, held deep-rooted spiritual beliefs centered around the Aesir and Vanir gods, such as Odin, Thor, Freyja, and Frigg. Their society, while often perceived as patriarchal, had important roles for women, especially in spiritual and domestic spheres. The Völva, a female shaman or seeress, held great power in Viking society, communicating with spirits and offering prophecy.

      • Viking women and their autonomy: Norse women, particularly those who followed the path of the Völva, were respected for their spiritual knowledge. They were often associated with seiðr, a form of Norse magic or shamanism that involved chanting, ritual, and trance. Völvas were highly influential in their societies, offering guidance and foretelling the future. However, after the Christianization of Scandinavia, many of these traditions were suppressed, and female spiritual power was demonized.

      • The conversion to Christianity: The Christianization of Scandinavia was a slow and often violent process, with the old gods and rituals eventually demonized. Women who practiced seiðr were labeled witches, and many aspects of Norse spirituality were suppressed or altered to fit Christian narratives.

      • Reclamation of Norse spirituality: Today, the Ásatrú movement, a modern revival of Norse paganism, is growing in popularity, particularly in Scandinavia, Iceland, and North America. For some, reclaiming Norse spirituality is a way of connecting with their Viking ancestors, while for others, it represents resistance against the erasure of indigenous European spirituality. The resurgence of interest in figures like the Völva also reflects a desire to reconnect with the feminine aspects of Norse belief, which were once central to Viking society.

      Witchcraft and the Demonization of Female Power in Europe

      As Christianity spread across Europe, women’s spiritual roles were often suppressed or reinterpreted as evil. The witch hunts of the late medieval and early modern periods are the most infamous example of how women’s power—whether as healers, midwives, or spiritual leaders—was targeted.

      • The “witch” archetype: Many of the women who were labeled as witches were practicing traditions that had been handed down for generations—healing with herbs, leading community rituals, or acting as spiritual guides. These roles, deeply respected in their pre-Christian communities, became vilified in the context of Christianity. This demonization was often a result of the church’s fear of women’s power, particularly those who operated outside the patriarchal structures.

      • Reclaiming the witch: In modern times, the figure of the “witch” has been reclaimed by many women as a symbol of feminine power, resistance, and autonomy. Movements like Wicca and other forms of modern paganism have restored the idea of the “witch” as a healer, a wise woman, and a protector of ancient wisdom. This reclaiming of the witch’s role is a rebellion against centuries of repression and an assertion of spiritual and bodily autonomy.

      Ritual Nudity and Body Autonomy in Pagan Europe

      In many pagan European cultures, ritual nudity was a normal and often spiritually significant practice. Being unclothed in sacred rituals or festivals symbolized purity, freedom, and a connection to nature. For example, in some Druidic rituals, being unclothed while performing certain rites was believed to allow participants to draw closer to the spiritual world, unencumbered by material things.

      • The suppression of nudity: As Christianity spread across Europe, nudity, especially for women, became associated with sin, shame, and immorality. Traditional rites that involved nudity were banned, and strict dress codes were enforced. Women’s bodies became more controlled, both physically and spiritually, by these new religious structures.

      Conclusion

      In all these examples, we see a common theme: the imposition of external (often Western, Christian and Colonial..in some cases also the Islamic religion) norms on indigenous or local practices, particularly around issues of body autonomy, modesty, and dress, but also trying to sever the connection with nature, our innate wisdom and intuition and imprison and dilute the sacred feminine energy. 

      The act of reclaiming traditional practices—whether it’s removing a top, embracing indigenous clothing, or practicing ancient rites—becomes a powerful form of resistance against cultural suppression. These acts are not only about reconnecting with one’s cultural heritage but also about asserting autonomy and identity in the face of historical and ongoing colonization.

      NO FUCKS TO GIVE: This is the power of menopause. It is the shedding of roles, expectations, and societal pressures. A woman in menopause steps into her truth, no longer needing to conform to anyone’s idea of who she should be. She no longer feels the pressure to nurture others, to maintain the image of youth, or to fit into the mold that society has created for her.

      Instead, she becomes whole unto herself. She becomes a woman of power, a woman of wisdom, a woman who is deeply connected to her own nature and to the earth. She is liberated from the need for external validation and embraces her autonomy with grace and confidence.

      Reclaiming Menopause as an Empowering Rite of Passage

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      It’s time to rewrite the story of menopause, to reclaim it as a sacred and empowering rite of passage. We must challenge the outdated narratives that have diminished the value of menopausal women and instead celebrate the incredible wisdom and strength that this phase brings.

      Menopause is not the end—it is a powerful new beginning. It is a time of liberation, autonomy, and the deepest connection to one’s inner wisdom. It is a transition into the role of the sage, where a woman’s value is no longer tied to what she gives to others but to the profound wisdom she holds within.

      Let us honor the power of menopause and the women who walk through this transition with grace, wisdom, and strength. May we look to them for guidance, respect their autonomy, and celebrate the liberation that comes with this new phase of life.


      How to Lessen the Challenging Symptoms of Menopause

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      Menopause is a natural transition in a woman’s life, but it can come with a range of challenging symptoms such as hot flashes, mood swings, sleep disturbances, and changes in energy. While menopause is a powerful transformation, there are many ways to ease the difficult symptoms and make the journey more manageable. Below are some holistic and practical approaches to help lessen the intensity of menopausal symptoms:

      1. Balance Your Diet

      Diet plays a key role in managing menopausal symptoms. Incorporating nutrient-dense foods can help regulate hormones, reduce hot flashes, and maintain energy levels.

      • Phytoestrogen-rich foods: These are plant-based compounds that mimic estrogen and can help ease hot flashes and hormonal imbalances. Foods like flaxseeds, soy products (tofu, tempeh), chickpeas, and lentils are rich in phytoestrogens.
      • Calcium and Vitamin D: Bone health becomes crucial during menopause due to the decline in estrogen, which can lead to bone density loss. Consume foods rich in calcium (leafy greens, almonds, sesame seeds) and ensure adequate Vitamin D intake (through sunlight or supplements).
      • Healthy fats: Omega-3 fatty acids, found in salmon, chia seeds, and walnuts, help reduce inflammation, ease mood swings, and improve heart health, which is essential as cardiovascular risks increase post-menopause.
      • Hydration: Drink plenty of water to help manage hot flashes, which can dehydrate the body.

      2. Herbal Supplements and Remedies

      Certain herbs have been traditionally used to balance hormones and reduce menopausal symptoms:

      • Black Cohosh: One of the most widely researched herbs for menopause, Black Cohosh helps reduce hot flashes, night sweats, and mood swings.
      • Red Clover: Rich in phytoestrogens, red clover may reduce hot flashes and promote heart health.
      • Ashwagandha: Known as an adaptogen, Ashwagandha can help with mood stabilization, reduce anxiety, and improve sleep.
      • Dong Quai: A traditional Chinese herb, Dong Quai is used to balance estrogen levels and reduce hot flashes and night sweats.
      • Valerian Root: Helpful for those who struggle with insomnia, Valerian root promotes relaxation and better sleep.

      Always consult with a healthcare provider before starting herbal supplements to ensure they’re right for you.

      3. Exercise Regularly

      Physical activity is vital for managing both the physical and emotional symptoms of menopause. Regular exercise helps to:

      • Boost mood: Exercise increases serotonin and endorphin levels, which can reduce anxiety, depression, and mood swings.
      • Regulate body temperature: Regular physical activity can help regulate your body’s ability to handle temperature changes, potentially reducing the severity of hot flashes.
      • Support heart health: Post-menopause, the risk of cardiovascular disease increases, so incorporating cardio exercises like walking, swimming, or cycling can support heart health.
      • Strength training: Building muscle mass through weightlifting or resistance exercises helps maintain bone density and strength, reducing the risk of osteoporosis.
      • Improve sleep: Regular exercise helps reduce insomnia and improve the quality of sleep, which is often disrupted during menopause.

      4. Manage Stress

      Stress management is critical during menopause, as elevated stress levels can worsen symptoms such as hot flashes, mood swings, and insomnia. Consider incorporating these stress-relief practices into your routine:

      • Mindfulness and meditation: Regular meditation practices can help reduce anxiety, improve emotional balance, and calm the nervous system.
      • Yoga: Yoga not only improves flexibility and strength but also helps with mental relaxation and deep breathing, which can reduce hot flashes and promote better sleep.
      • Breathing exercises: Practices like deep belly breathing or alternate nostril breathing can help calm your mind and regulate body temperature, reducing the frequency and intensity of hot flashes.
      • Journaling: Expressing emotions and thoughts through journaling can provide a release and reduce emotional turbulence during this time.

      5. Sleep Hygiene

      Insomnia and disrupted sleep are common symptoms during menopause, but improving your sleep hygiene can make a big difference:

      • Establish a routine: Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, creating a rhythm that helps your body adjust.
      • Create a relaxing bedtime ritual: Unwind with calming activities like reading, taking a warm bath, or practicing gentle stretching or meditation.
      • Limit caffeine and alcohol: Both can trigger hot flashes and disrupt sleep, so it’s wise to reduce your intake, especially in the evening.
      • Cool down: Keep your bedroom cool and use breathable, light bedding to help prevent overheating during the night.

      6. Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT)

      For women experiencing severe symptoms, Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) can be an option. HRT involves taking synthetic estrogen or a combination of estrogen and progesterone to supplement the body’s decreasing hormone levels.

      • Benefits: HRT can effectively reduce hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness, and mood swings.
      • Considerations: There are potential risks associated with HRT, including an increased risk of blood clots, stroke, and breast cancer. Always consult your doctor to assess if it’s the right option for you.

      7. Acupuncture

      Acupuncture has been shown to help reduce menopausal symptoms, particularly hot flashes and mood swings. This ancient Chinese practice balances the body’s energy flow and has a calming, restorative effect on the nervous system.

      • How it helps: Acupuncture can help with stress relief, insomnia, and even the hormonal balance needed to ease hot flashes.

      8. Support Bone Health

      Estrogen plays a significant role in maintaining bone density, so when its levels drop during menopause, bones can become more fragile. To protect your bones:

      • Calcium and Vitamin D: Ensure adequate intake of these essential nutrients. Consider supplements if dietary intake is insufficient.
      • Weight-bearing exercises: Activities like walking, hiking, and resistance training help maintain bone strength.
      • Avoid smoking and limit alcohol: Both can reduce bone density and weaken bones over time.

      9. Stay Connected and Embrace Community

      Menopause can sometimes feel isolating, but it doesn’t have to be. Sharing experiences with other women who are going through the same journey can provide emotional support and reduce feelings of loneliness. Look for:

      • Support groups: Online or local groups where you can discuss symptoms, remedies, and experiences.
      • Trusted friends or mentors: Open conversations about menopause can help normalize the experience and make it easier to navigate.

      10. Embrace the Power of This Transition

      One of the most powerful things you can do during menopause is to shift your mindset. Rather than seeing it as an ending, menopause can be embraced as a profound liberation—a time to reconnect with your own wisdom, reclaim your energy, and step into a new phase of life with autonomy and power. This perspective alone can lessen the emotional challenges of menopause, reducing anxiety about aging and helping you see this phase as a beautiful, natural evolution.


      Making Menopause Easier

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      By approaching menopause with a holistic mindset, you can ease the symptoms and make this transition as smooth as possible. A combination of the right diet, herbs, exercise, stress management, and community support can significantly improve the experience. Remember that menopause is not just an ending; it’s the beginning of a new chapter where you can reclaim your energy, step into your wisdom, and fully embrace the power of your autonomy.

      Embrace this time, and let it be a journey of liberation, empowerment, and renewal.

      I’ve talked with many women who have made the transition, and their experiences are widely different. However, I do notice patterns: the women who consciously look after their holistic well-being tend to feel a lot more empowered, happy and free during the transition than our fellow sisters who carry heavy emotional trauma, are stressed, don’t look after their bodies and resist growing old. I’m 50 now and my cycle is still regular, so I do not talk from personal experience, but I will in the future. This is also a form of preparation for me, learning about it and reframing it as an empowering new beginning rather than the end. 

      Lots of love

      Ami

      Please Share Your Experience and Thoughts Below

       

      #Menopause #Hormones #Ageing #Sisterhood #colonialization #Feminism 

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