We all have narcissistic traits. Narcissism exists on a spectrum. At its extreme, it’s a disorder characterized by a lack of empathy, an inflated sense of self-importance, and a constant need for admiration. However, it’s essential to recognize that narcissistic traits can also develop in individuals who have been in long-term relationships with narcissists, such as a parent, partner, or close friend. This phenomenon occurs as a coping strategy, where the victim adopts certain narcissistic qualities to survive the relationship or unconsciously mimics the behaviour of a partner or parent over time. 

It’s also crucial to understand that narcissists often project their own issues onto their victims, convincing them that they are the ones with narcissistic tendencies. This projection can lead victims to question their own sanity and seek therapy, believing they are the problem. A well-informed therapist can often identify the true nature of the abuse and help the victim recognize their own empathetic and loving nature, which the narcissist’s manipulations may have overshadowed.

This self-assessment questionnaire aims to help you reflect on your own behaviours and tendencies. Remember, having some narcissistic traits does not necessarily mean you are a narcissist. Empathy, the ability to love, to apologize, and to take responsibility for your actions are strong indicators that you may not be a narcissist. Use this tool as a means of self-reflection and understanding.

Narcissism Self-Assessment Questionnaire

The more statements you agree with, the higher you score on the narcissist spectrum. 
 

High Narcissistic Tendencies 

1. I often find it hard to sympathise with people. They have brought their hardships onto themselves. 
2. I am special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions.
3. I am skilled at manipulating others to get what I want.
4. I expect special treatment.
5. I have a natural talent for influencing people. 
6. I have no problem lying if I have a good reason.
7. Being able to manipulate and control others is a sign of strength, superiority and intelligence. 
8. It’s natural that people will get hurt if they stand in my way, it’s called collateral damage.
9. If people I like start changing, I remind them how they should be and help push them back in line. If they change too much, I cut with them.
10. It’s okay to bend or ignore the rules if it helps me get ahead.
11. I feel suspicious of people in general, I don’t trust their intentions.
12. Should they deceive me, I keep sensitive information about people as a backup plan. I’m not to be messed with, and if anyone disrespects me, I can quickly use blackmail or go into full revenge mode. 
13. I’m almost always right and find it difficult to admit when I’m not.
14. I often go into attack mode when I feel criticized or questioned.
15. My goals are primarily focused on personal success and achievement.
16. I feel uncomfortable when I am not being noticed or appreciated.
17. I have many areas where I am way ahead of others. 
18. I sometimes take advantage of others to get what I want.
19. People should do things my way to save time and headaches.
20. I get frustrated when things do not go my way.
21. I know that I am good because people keep telling me so.
22. I frequently exaggerate my talents or accomplishments. 
23. If I ruled the world, it would be a better place. 
24. I can usually talk my way out of any situation.
25. I like to have authority over other people. 
26. I insist on getting the respect that I deserve.
27. I can read people like a book.
28. Others are often envious of me and talk behind my back.
29. I dream about achieving great things and being recognized.
30. I have no problem justifying my actions, even if they are morally questionable.
31. I don’t share my deep-seated insecurities and vulnerabilities.
32. I should not be held responsible for other people’s emotional reactions to my behaviour. 
33. I think women should be women, and men should be men. I cannot stand this wishy-washy grey zone with unclear roles and pronouns.
34. Sexually, I prefer intensity above intimacy.
35. I can use sex to get what I want, to get compliments and attention.
36. I sometimes use sex (or the withholding of it) as a tool to reward, punish or teach my partner a lesson. 
37. I want proof of my partner’s fidelity, love, and commitment, so I keep testing it.
38. I have no issue with conflict. I’d rather get what I want than tiptoe abound others’ feelings. 
39. Most people are pretty pathetic.
40. I find the silent treatment to be an effective way to get what I want, avoid responsibility or make the other person insecure and wonder if they have done something terrible. 

Potential Projection

If you find yourself questioning your narcissistic traits due to feedback from a partner or close associate, remember that projection is a common tactic used by narcissists. A mental health professional can help you differentiate between actual narcissistic traits and those imposed on you by others.

This self-assessment is a tool for reflection and self-awareness. For a thorough evaluation and support, consulting with a mental health professional specializing in narcissistic abuse is recommended.

How to Recover and Heal

Should you wish to heal your narcissistic tendencies, it’s best achieved through holistic trauma healing (yes, narcissistic personality traits almost always come from emotional trauma) and self-knowledge. 

Our comprehensive ”Holistic Trauma Healing Program” and membership community offer effective help and support. Attending the program will increase your self-esteem, inner calm, and security.

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